Parent of Twins Revelation #4

There are, like, two of them.

And that means everything is twice as hard, and takes twice as long, and requires twice as much energy. (Or maybe twice isn’t right — three or four times is probably more accurate in our case because we also have a three-and-a-half-year-old son to boot, and he hasn’t exactly warmed to the idea of a little bro and sis, even after ten months.)

So:

Not one diaper change but two.

Not one baby to give a bath to, but two.

Not one baby to (breast)feed, but two.

Not one baby to put down for naps and nighty-night, but two.

Not one baby to scoop up off the floor so that he/she doesn’t eat carpet or cat litter, but two.

Etc.

Random closing tidbit: Did I mention that the freaky Octo Mom lives in Whittier, CA, where I was born and grew up? No, I did not.

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Ethan, Stating the Obvious…

“Daddy, robots can swim.”

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M. Ward and Ratatouille

One of the most important duties a parent has is to expose their children to good music. This is among the things I most fervently believe.

So I have taken it upon myself to begin my children’s musical education. I say this while fully realizing they will probably rebel and like music that I deplore and this will in turn create a gulf between us that is vast and divisive and ultimately insurmountable.

But in the meantime I’m doing my best.

For example, recently I was trying to get Ethan into M. Ward.

“That’s M. Ward,” I told him. “He’s a very talented singer-songwriter guy.”

“That’s not M. Ward,” Ethan told me. “That’s Ratatouille.”

Actually, it was a pretty brilliant comparison. There is a bit of a Parsian/Left Bank/Django Reinhardt vibe in some of his music.

I was reminded of M. Ward because he has a new album out. It’s called Hold Time. And for a limited time you can listen to it on NPR.

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Zebras in the Blimp

“Daddy, do you know what?”

“What?”

“There were zebras in the blimp, and they pressed the wrong control button, and then it crashed.”

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Rejected Names for Stimulus Package

  • Arousal Parcel

  • Package o’ Love

  • Hot Injection

  • Tumescent Surprise

  • A Most Stimulating Economical Addition to Our Sagging, Shrugging, Shitty Economy

  • Hope It Works This Time
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